Broken
by Sgt-Slurpy
Summary: A story of the trials and errors of love between Raphael and Mona. Both mutated amphibians reminince on their relationship and something happens that will violently change both their worlds. Will Raphael survive when all the worlds lights are out on him?


**Before I begin I would just like to mention that this is my first NT fiction. It involves a character known as Mona Lisa who was a oneshot in the old early 90's series. If you don't know who she is, look her up on deviantart (include Raphaal in the search or else you'll get the creepy DaVinci version). She's a cute character and in the future fics I write, she'll be included without a doubt.**

**The song I used for this is Broken by Seether and/or Amy Lee. I love the song (I saw both Seether and Amy live once and it was genious.) And if you're wondering why its so agnsty, well, I just broke up with my boyfriend. And my Ben and Jerry's Funky Munkey really isn't helping so this is how I'm vention my sadness.**

**So without further ado, here is...**

**Broken**

The sound of running water was an oasis to Raphael's ears. He quickly ridded himself of his bandanna and his other gear and stepped into the steaming shower. At first Raph's nerves were shocked by the sweltering water from the gushing nozzle but he quickly accumulated. The day's events weighed heavily on his shoulders and the attack from the Purple Dragons didn't help all that much either. Hot water sprayed onto the large bullet grazing along his arm and it washed away the clotting, leaving it oozing with thickened blood. Raph didn't really notice nor did he mind. No matter how much pain he was going through physically, it couldn't possible numb out the mental agony he was enduring.

_**I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh**_

The fight with Mona Lisa hadn't been the highlight of his day to say the least. He loved her; that was undeniably true but he had a hard time showing it. He was a jerk and he certainly knew that it. Raph shook his head and the water splashed all around the shower, leaving little beads of water hanging on the tiled walls. He grabbed the bar of soap from a ledge and began to lather the bar in his three fingered hands.

_**I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away**_

It killed him to see her in pain, let alone not be able to do anything about it. He had inflicted it, the pain inside of her. She had sent him out so that he could wallow in his own self disgust. Raphael pounded his fist against the wall, causing tribulations to travel through the water pipes and the electrical circuits that Donatello had accessorised the lair with. The lights flickered before continuing again strongly with their hazy glow and Raph sighed, holding himself back from punching a hole straight through the wall to try and rid himself of the horrible feeling caught in his brain.

_**I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well**_

Raph imagined the mutated female in his mind, her face, her voice, her…body. As a male it was something that he could not resist; that undeniable hungering desire for flesh against flesh, lips against lips. He closed his eyes and moaned quietly as he imagined her and he felt the blood begin to rush to his loins. Reaching downwards, he grasped his throbbing manhood and relieved himself of some of the tension that had built up in his the past day, and probably the past week as well.

_**I wanna hold you high and steal your pain**_

He hated seeing her in pain. That was the first thought that came to mind when he exited the shower, the little room full of steam from his scorching shower. He slowly dried himself off with a towel that had been resting on the towel bar and wiped off the mirror with his hand so that he could stare at his reflection. The only thing he saw was the monster that he was to himself, the monster that he had let himself become. It just killed himself inside to know that he had inflicted his horrible actions into the lives of other, his father, his brother, his lover.

_**'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away**_

Raph brought the red bandanna up to his eyes but that swiftly dropped it as if it had burned his weatherworn skin. He stared at the mask now lying in the empty sink amid the shroud of stream. He shook his head as if he was shaking his thoughts out of his brain and ran a dampened hand along his face. The guilt was killing him, seriously. Raph knew he had to get rid of it somehow and right now he was feeling quite hostile against the image of himself. Without thinking, he punched the mirror as hard as he could and squeezed his eyes closed as shards of reflective glass exploded everywhere, showering the little room. When the last shaving of mirror hit the ground, Raphael opened his hazel eyes and picked up one of the larger shards, ignoring the minor cuts that littered his body already, especially on his fist. He slowly ran the shard against his forearm, digging it in farther as he hauled it farther down his limb. He breathed in the fragrant smell of his own blood as it dripped down his arm and onto the floor. Strangely, the cut wasn't hindering him in the slightest; in fact he was enjoying the pain he was infliction on himself. He sighed and sat down to watch the rest of his blood leave his body, somehow taking pleasure in it.

_**You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore**_

Mona sat alone on a chair she had scavenged from the side of a road a few weeks ago in an attempt to furnish her home. She held her head in her hands and a small tear dripped down her cheek. It fell from the edge of her face and shattered onto the ground, little droplets of water spattering in a little circle around it. Mona sighed and a frown snuck its way onto her face though she welcomed it for it was much more appropriate than a smile on an occasion such as this. She and Raph had fought. Again. She had the gash across her cheek to prove it.

_**The worst is over now and we can breathe again**_

The worst was over, she knew that for sure. The image haunted her as she sat there, the expression of understanding as Raph realized what he had done. The sai dropped from his hand and made an awful clatter that echoed through her small, underground home. Tonelessly she had told him to get out of her home and he was quick to do so, his eyes filled with despair and distress. It killed her to see him like that…knowing what he thought of himself only made it worse for her to forgive herself.

_**I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away**_

She loved him and she knew that he loved her. Raph was passionate and would do anything to protect his loved ones. She could see it in his eyes when he held her close to him and whispered those three evocative words into her ear. She could feel it when he pushed himself into her at the peak of their cloud of desire, when he moaned into her hair and held her close after it was all over. She just knew that he loved her, even though he had done a lot more hurting that loving. It didn't matter to her though because that little bit of love was enough to block out the hurt, the pain, and those wounding words that would escape his lips.

_**There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight**_

There was a lot that Raph didn't know about love, like letting down his outer defences and just being himself. Mona sighed as she reminisced on Raphael's stubbornness and tough guy surface armour. She just wished that he would talk to her and tell her all the twisted thoughts in his head. No matter how perverse they were, she would never once rethink Raph just because of them. She knew that he had a horrible life as he had grown up. It killed her to know all the things that had happened to him and to witness all the scars that he wore on his green skin. As he would lie beside her at night, she would lightly run her lithe fingers across the scars on his body, taking in every inch of the pain he had endured. She would listen absorbedly to his night whispers and they gave her a small glimpse into his head, the horror, the blood, the aching in his heart.

_**I wanna hold you high and steal your pain**_

Mona raised herself from her chair and took a look at herself in the mirror. Dark circles hung beneath her green eyes and a gauze bandage covered her once flawless cheek. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed once again, feeling a yearning for Raphael deep within her heart. She loved him, there was no doubt about it. In fact, she decided that she would face Raphael's brothers, who had yet to know about her ongoing relationship with their red banded brother, and apologize to Raph for being so impetuous with him. She grabbed her trench coat and opened her hidden door, bracing herself for the treacherous trek through the sewers.

_**'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough**_

Leonardo was peeved at his brother for staying in the bathroom for so long and hollered curtly at him but received no reply. A little, or rather big wave of worry washed over him and he ran over to the bathroom door and pushed it open to reveal a gruesome sight.

Blood. Everywhere there was blood. Raphael's eyes were stained with it and all he could see through his almost closed eyelids was the stuff. It was everywhere. His own. Blood. It was only a matter of seconds before he slipped completely out of consciousness, his body lacking too much of its precious liquid to sustain him any longer. Leonardo cried out in sorrow and quickly scooped his brother in his arms, crying out. Donatello was next to be roused by the noise and rushed in, a wave of nausea washing over him as he witnessed the grotesque sight before him. He bent down and checked his dying brother's vital signs and found then to be diminishing at a swift rate. He ran out of the bathroom for his lab to fetch a pile of gauze to stop the heavy bleeding.

Michelangelo watched his two conscious brothers from the main room, his body numb with shock and grief. His brother, his hot-headed, bad-tempered brother was dying. Dying and all he could do was stand there and bear witness to the horrible turn of events. Splinter was no where to be found and Mikey had no intention of fetching him, his mind too bent on the devastation taking place in front of him.

They had heard the mirror shatter but the door had been closed so it had muffled the sound and they just assumed Raph had dropped something on the ground. But as the minutes passed and not a sound could be heard, well, the panic in Leo's eyes was enough to say it all. At the present he was trying to pull himself together and trying to get to his feet so he could bring Raph to Don's lab. It had proven to be too much for Leo and he collapsed again, tears streaming down his blood soaked face.

_**'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away**_

Mona snuck into the turtle's lair, pulling one of the pipes and walking through when the latch opened. But when she waked in there was no one there to greet her except the alienated silence and the soft sounds of sobs. She quietly moved across the room and stood beside Michelangelo who was rooted into place, staring into the bathroom. Mona followed his gaze and her heart froze, her eyes taking in the one thing she never wished to see. Donatello ran from his lab, his arms filled with bandages and other things and he ran into the washroom. Mona stepped forwards and rid herself of the trench coat, holding her breath. Things seemed to move in slow motion as she ran towards the bathroom, ignoring the shards of mirror digging into her feet as she entered the washroom and she grabbed Raph's frigid and lifeless hand. Leo paid no heed to her and Don only asked for her assistance as he addressed his wounds, trying to stop the bleeding as fast as he could. She grabbed a roll of gauze and tightly wrapped it around his arm, stopping the excessive bleeding in the process. It was only a matter of minutes until they were finished and Don pried Raph from Leo's arms, carrying him into his lab and hooking him up to a heart monitor.

_**'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away**_

A sense of despair gripped Mona's throbbing heart as she watched Raph fight for his life. She held onto his hand as if there was no tomorrow for that might have very well been the case for Raph. Don bustled around the room, replacing bandages and testing his blood to see if any of his brothers owned the same type. Only Leo, whom Don had speculated to be his double, had the matching blood type. Leo was quick to insert the needle into his arm and start draining his own life into his brother's.

Don watched Mona from the side, watching the worry and the grief cloud her pretty face. Both Leo and Don were aware of Raph's ongoing relationship with the mutant he had run into during a previous adventure in their childhood days but they were pretty sure Mikey was oblivious to it. Don put a comforting hand on Mona's shoulder and wordlessly said that he would be alright.

_**You've gone away**_

A full 48 hours had passed since Leo had discovered Raph's life fading in the bathroom and Mona had barely moved from Raph's side since then. Splinter had been catering to her for he had known about her as well and openly greeted her into their family for the moment. Mona was locked into a terminal state of grief, her eyes just barely retaining the unshed tears that were wallowing in her eyes. She had not slept and if she had no one had seen her and she only moved to go to the washroom, the room that no one particularly wanted to go into. Splinter had cleaned the bathroom of the blood and the shards of glass but the vacant space on the wall where the mirror was enough to remind them of the tragedy that had accumulated in the small room. Mikey hadn't said much either. He was rooted on the couch, numb with anxiety.

It was around 52 hours later when Splinter had to intervene somehow and get Mona to rest before she pushed herself to complete exhaustion.

"A wise man once said, a watched pot never boils." He whispered, placing a furry paw on Mona's shoulder. She sighed and relented, her weakened mind easily bent by the old rat's sultry voice. Splinter led her out to the couch in the main room and told her to sit down which she did without being asked. She lay down upon the furnishings and passed out into a dreamless sleep.

_**You don't feel me here anymore**_

Mona woke up early in that night and the lair was wistfully silent. She wearily got to her feet and trudged to Don's lab where she found Raph, still in a state of comatose. Mona collapsed onto his chest and bawled until she had no tears left, all of them leaking onto his plastron and then onto the bed he was laying on. She gripped his hand tightly, a reminder that he was still there, maybe not in body but at least in spirit. Strangled sobs escaped the lab and roused one turtle in particular.

"Oh Raphael…" She cried softly, raising her head and wiping the tears away from her eyes. She stared at his peaceful visage, almost too peaceful. She let out another stifled wail and then got up to walk away, slowly letting go of Raph's hand.

_**'Cause I'm broken**_

In the darkest moment of the night, a pair of tired eyes cracked open and a soft groan escaped parched lips. There was no energy in his body, just pain. Pain everywhere. His body throbbed with it, his brain pulsated with it, that horrible, excruciating feeling. He thought about how his brothers had fared without him, how long he had been out and…her. Mona. He just wanted to hold her, to embrace her, to kiss her, to make love to her. Doubt was quick to cloud his mind when he thought about if Mona even knew what had happened to him. What if she didn't care?

He then wondered why he was still alive. He wanted to be dead! Gone forever! But a soft voice from the darkness changed it all.

"Raph? Are you…awake?" An oh-so familiar voice whispered from the obscure shadows. A grunt of a reply came from Raph's lips and a pair of arms embraced his body softly and tenderly, "I'm sorry. I really am."

Then something rather unexpected of himself happened. A sob escaped Raphael's lips as he began to cry, his emotions finally coming out in the one way he never really knew how to do. And it felt good.

What do you do when the only one that can make you stop crying is the one who made you cry? You continue crying until they start crying with you and soon you'll be stuck in the same emotion together, sharing a moment until you calm down and you realize that the only way they would be crying with you is if they really loved you. And so you tell them that you love them too despite all the stupid, brainless and really dumb things you've done to them. And embrace the moment because it might not last for long because you're bound to do something stupid again within the next little while. That's what love is about, the trials and errors of it all. You'll pull through into the light if you're meant to be and believe me; some things are just **meant** to be.

**c**

**Please review and tell me what you think. I just love to hear from my fellow writers.**

**Love and fluff, Bronte**


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